You're not bad, for a Democrat

DEC 15, 2023

When our kids were in elementary school in Salt Lake City, our daughter had a friend whose family were members of the LDS (Mormon) Church. This was in 1988. We had only recently moved into town and were eager to make new friends, so we asked them over for dinner.

We had a wonderful time and engaged in pleasant and light conversation about pets, kids, schools, life in Utah, you name it, even though it was clear that we had been raised in different cultures and political environments. (I grew up on Long Island.) At the end of the evening, the little girl’s father said to me, in what seemed to be a joking, friendly way, “You know, you’re not bad, for a Democrat.” We all laughed, but in retrospect, that was a very important breakthrough moment, and maybe he hadn’t been totally joking. Maybe he was actually surprised at the thought.

I think we all recognize we’re now living in turbulent times. That’s not to say this is a first for our country. I’m thinking about the 1920s, ’30s, ’40s, ’50s, ’60s, ’70s… You get the message. But what’s particularly troubling to me about the 2020s is that it feels like our country is heading in the wrong direction and becoming increasingly polarized.

Perhaps it’s no surprise. With open floodgates of vitriol in government, in the news, and especially on social media, we’ve become conditioned to accept the most vituperative hate speech as a given. It’s almost like we’ve been given a numbing shot of cultural Novocain to block out the pain. Where it ends is anyone’s guess, but how far can things bend before they break?

So, what I’d like to promote in this post is about understanding. Simple understanding. Understanding that can lead to tolerance that can lead to sympathy that can lead to empathy that, if enough of us follow that trajectory, can reach a level of reconciliation to turn things back in the right direction.

How to do that, though? There’s so much “anti-” today. Here’s my thought: What if we could just pause for a moment and try to think “pro-“? I think the first and most uncomfortable –– but most important –– step is to try to put yourself in the shoes of those with whom you disagree most vehemently, regardless of the issue. Rest assured, that’s not at all to say you need to agree with them or compromise your own principles, it just means listening and trying to understand where they’re coming from. Just like that dinner we had with our LDS friends in 1988.

Especially at this time of year, when so many religions celebrate important holidays, shouldn’t the prevailing message to one another be, “Do unto others?” Isn’t that the true essence of religion, regardless of which one, if any, we participate in? What could be any simpler and yet more powerful than for all of us to recognize the common humanity that we all share?

Best wishes for the holiday season and a more peaceful New Year.